Self-confidence is an uncomfortable topic for many people. On the one hand, we all want to feel confident in ourselves and our abilities. But on the other hand, few of us want to openly admit that we struggle with self-confidence issues. This is because self-confidence is seen as a “positive” trait – and who wants to be seen as negative or flawed?
The truth is, however, that low self-confidence can present itself in many different ways and how it presents itself can teach us more about the nature of confidence – both in ourselves and others.
1. Self-doubt and Indecisiveness
Low self-confidence can manifest as a general feeling of insecurity or uncertainty in your abilities and yourself as a person. This can lead to doubts about your decisions and a fear of taking risks. To ensure that your choice is the correct one, you may repeatedly seek others’ input and reassurance.
You could find yourself making poor judgments that do not serve you because you believe that others know better than you. When in fact, most times there is no right or wrong choice to make. Realise that from time to time we all may lose faith in our own judgements.
Indecisiveness can stem from being afraid, and it is useful to be able to identify what it is that you are afraid of and tackle things from that root. The indecisiveness that can arise from insecurity can often be maintained by overthinking.
Write a list of what your options are, and weigh up their pros and cons aiming to end with choosing an option at the end of the exercise. Writing this down has the effect of taking it out of your head, allowing you to look at things more clearly, and helping you to make a decision. Then, challenge yourself to stick to your choice.
2. Social Anxiety and Avoidance as hallmarks of low confidence
Low self-confidence can make you feel shy and awkward in social situations. You may feel like you’re not good enough or that you don’t fit in. This can lead to social discomfort and make it difficult to enjoy yourself in social situations, or a tendency to actively avoid social gatherings. This avoidance can make you feel even more left out and also lonely.
There are some practical ways that you can manage this social discomfort. For example, you can focus on positive self-talk, which means speaking kindly to yourself and building yourself up instead of putting yourself down. You can remind yourself of your interests, skills and personal qualities that you can share with others in a social setting.
You can also set small goals for yourself, for example, talking to one new person at the party, and then celebrating your accomplishments, even if they seem small. Small steps and steady progress are the best ways to go forward.
Access support from people who will help you to build your confidence. If they are also at the party, let their presence reassure and encourage you to complete your goal. With practice, you can gradually feel more at ease in social settings.
3. Perpetual Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is a negative opinion of yourself that often leads to negative thoughts and behaviours which keep this state going.
Low self-esteem and low self-confidence walk hand-in-hand. Self-confidence is how self-esteem is expressed – so it all starts with how we feel about ourselves and behave towards ourselves.
The impact of this low self-esteem and low self-confidence equation can make you hold back from speaking your mind, expressing your opinion or choice or participating in activities you enjoy. Further along this spectrum of behaviours, you may allow others to control or mistreat you. All of these things can maintain low self-esteem in a vicious cycle.
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, know that you’re not alone—and that there are things you can do to feel better about yourself.
The first step is to realise that this is what is going on. You may want to start by treating yourself better, spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself and taking pride in your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.
You could also consider talking to a therapist or reaching out to a support group. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect—and you deserve to feel good about yourself.
4. Critical and Judgmental Behaviour as a low confidence defence
Low self-confidence can make you more critical and judgmental of yourself and others. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. You may blame yourself for things that are out of your control, or put others down in an attempt to hide and to make yourself feel better.
Accepting the fact that you have made a mistake might feel like a weakness to you.
This might result in your avoiding social situations because you are afraid of being judged, or missing out on opportunities because you don’t think you’re good enough.
Try to speak to and deal more kindly with yourself. The way we talk to ourselves has a big impact on our confidence levels. Try to pause and stop yourself when you’re being negative and reframe your thoughts in a more positive light. Look at things from another perspective. Both for yourself and other people.
A lot of criticism of others arises from assumptions that we make about them and their lives, even when we know how painful this is when the same is done to us. So start doing something different about this today.
5. Avoiding or Giving up on Challenges
Low self-confidence can cause you to avoid challenging tasks or activities, out of fear of failure or not being good enough.
For example, you may decide not to apply for a dream job because you think you’re not qualified enough. Or, you may pass up on an opportunity to speak up in a meeting, because you’re afraid of sounding foolish.
Or you may put your toe in the water, try out a challenge but then give up too soon, before giving it your best shot as you think ‘it will never work for me’ or ‘I will make a fool of myself’.
The impact of avoiding these risks is that you miss out on potential opportunities for growth and success.
The GOOD NEWS is that there are things you can do to build your self-confidence. A few of them include:
- Start to think about trying new things and then plan to do them.
- Evaluate the pros and cons and then set goals for yourself to take small risks, then celebrate each accomplishment.
- Make sure that you keep a record of your goals and achievements to reflect on so that you can see and remember your footsteps of progress.
- Work on identifying and acknowledging your strengths and what you have to offer.
When you start to believe in yourself, you’ll be more likely to take the risks that could lead to a rewarding future.
You may recognise some of these behaviours in yourself having suspected for some time that you struggle with low self-confidence. Many different factors can contribute to the development of low self-confidence. So stop blaming yourself!
Realising that low self-confidence may be stopping you from living a full and happy life is the start of reducing its impact. With time, effort and patience with yourself, you can learn to build up your self-confidence and enjoy life. So start working on yourself today.